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The Grand Proclamation of SQUID.TOWN
Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!
Let it be known, inscribed, stamped, notarized, and excessively duplicated in triplicate upon vellum of questionable necessity, that upon this auspicious day, the citizenry of the Glorious and Resplendent Municipality of SQUID.TOWN hath elected—nay, ordained through democratic ostentation—the following illustrious personages to positions of unwarranted grandeur and magnificence
His Most Exalted, Right Honourable
Archibald Augustus Ashworth IV
Eternal Grand Magistrate of SQUID.TOWN, Lord High Keeper of the Municipal Ink Wells, Supreme Auditor of Imaginary Accounts, Chancellor of the Committee on Committees on Committees, Eternal Chair of the Subcommittee for the Preservation of Squidly Dignity, and Bearer of the Sacred Rubber Stamp of Infinite Authority.
Her Ineffably August Lady
Arabella Anastasia Ashworth
Eternal Grand Magistrate of SQUID.TOWN, Divine Orchestrator of Ordinances and Ordinances About Ordinances, Eternal Mistress of the Minutes and Seconds (but not Hours), Keeper of the Ceremonial Quill of Endless Redrafting, Archduchess of Parliamentary Preambles, Guardian of the Golden Filing Cabinet of Forgotten Resolutions, and Supreme Overlady of the Roll Call and All Who Answer "Present."
Together, in triumphant tentacular unity, they shall henceforth preside over the hallowed halls of squidly governance, ensuring that every decree, ordinance, and municipal newsletter is delivered with sufficient pomp, flourish, and an entirely superfluous wax seal.
Let every citizen bow—not in subservience, but in bemused respect—to these magnificent arbiters of municipal majesty, these Guardians of the Tentacular Order, these Perpetual Embodiments of Unnecessary Formality.
So proclaimed, so sealed, so squidly.
—By the Authority of the Office of Excessive Titles and Superfluous Formalities, SQUID.TOWN.